I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
