I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
