Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
They are going to name an STD after you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
