There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
