you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
