Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
