he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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