At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
