upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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