She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
