JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
