So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
