Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
