atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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