hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
