Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
