dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
