I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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