The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
