It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
