So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My balls are so social today.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
