i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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