You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
