Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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