Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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