I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
