My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
