just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
