she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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