Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
