hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
