he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
