From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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