can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
