i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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