i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
