I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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