the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
this hospital has no fireball
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
