dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Im part way to drunk.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
