Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
