she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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