OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
