my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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