God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
