I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
