Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
