I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
