Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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