please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
