All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
