The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
