My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I need water and some morals
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
