I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
