new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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