I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
