are you so shy because you have an std?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
